growing up...

sometimes i amaze myself with how "grown up" ive become since July. And the people that have helped me through my tough times are to thank.
so thank you: Mom, Terry, Dad, and Blake
id be lost without you.

Andy Gibson - "Wanna Make You Love Me" (Official Video)

I'm a "suit" and an "outlaw" in one body. I have the drive of my mother to become something better than the now. I have the don't care attitude of my father to conduct my life as I wish too. I imagine that this confuses people quite a bit, but I wouldn't change myself for anyone. Family, Friends, and God love me just the way I am.

This is Blake Cameron Farmer. He is the best thing to come into my life. He is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my punching bag and my rock. He keeps me grounded and helps push me forward. I never believed in love at first sight, but that's all it took for him to fall for me. Neither of us is where we wanted to be in our lives but together we are starting a new dream. We meet at a party and I barely paid much attention to him, but the ride home was quite interesting and we've pretty much been crazy about each other since then. I've tried to push him away, and done some pretty crappy things to this guy yet he patiently waited for me to pull my head out of my butt and see that he wasn't going anywhere. I'm thrilled that I've found someone who wants to be by my side no matter how often I fall and need help getting up and how I can be myself, my true self, with him and he loves every bit of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly :)
Thank you for showing me true love Blake and never giving up on me. I love you

true friends?

It's sad to say that I've come to realize that I have none. No true friends, that are always there for me now matter what, and for the few people that I considered "true friends" for a long time have fallen short. I'm not quite sure how this happened or why I even started be friending certain people in the first place. I feel lost. I'm not sure why I'm not worthy of true friendship. Is it because I'm so much more than people think? Not that I'm better than anyone, but I'm really like a crowd of people in one body, or at least thats hows I feel. My mother once told me that i was too nice. And I'm only now begining to understand what she meant. I bend over backwards for my  "friends" without question; yet none of them are willing to do that same. They only have my back when its convient for them. yet I've put my neck on the line and risked fighting with my family to take care of them. But I see so many people who have friends that would be there for them no matter what, i guess i feel as if i've failed in this part of my life. I mean I've never made a true friend in all of my life, what does that say about me? I realize that i'm the nerd, wall flower, loud mouth, quiet, rocker in one body; but i cant be the only person like this can i? That shouldn't make me less worthy of true friendship than anyone else.I just dont know waht to do anymore, im as real and genuine as i can be and yet it still seems to not be enough. ugh, i wish i had "thick skin" maybe then this wouldn't bother me as much.